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[unheiring]

“Unavailable. Always.”

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username: Aurelius

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[sesa]

Men.

[Sesa huffs, in complete agreement on that front.

He will also sit up and down another one of those shots, against his better judgement. He is going to be the most hung over of his LIFE come tomorrow morning.]

That does sound much like what I am dealing with...I just.

[He runs a hand over his face, pressing his fingers into the bridge of his nose.]

I don't know what I'm doing. I just know I am incapable of stopping as I am.

[He gave him a RING, Luca.]

[unheiring]

[Somehow, Sesa has gotten Luca involved into this narrative. He leans forward, brows lifted up. He braces his chin against his hand.]

If you are incapable of stopping, then do you believe he is capable of changing?

[sesa]

[...]

I...don't know. I do not truly believe him to be a wholly cruel person, it is just that...the things he has done are cruel, and reprehensible. I should not be willing to accept much less forgive such things, especially when they go so starkly against my own worldview, but...

[Sesa groans, slumping forward on his barstool again.]

Perhaps there is just something wrong with me.

[unheiring]

Maybe you are right.

[Sorry, Sesa.]

If there is a part of you that craves the violence he brings, it probably speaks to your character as well. [A shrug.] Or, perhaps you are a hopeless optimist, hoping that you can redeem someone that far gone.

Either way, I don't envy you.

[sesa]

I wouldn't say it is the violence I crave.

[No, it's more like...]

I seek revenge. [ah] Revenge...for my brother's death. And- [For some reason, he can't bring himself to say Elliot's name outright, even though everyone with eyeballs would know who he's talking about.] -the object of my desire...and my deepest affections, I believe, holds the key to obtaining it. He wants to help me.

[unheiring]

[Hey. Hey Sesa. Stop being Luca.]

So. You would bed the devil in the hopes of attaining your more selfish and destructive desires. [He takes another sip of his wine.] In that case, yes, there is something wrong with you. But it is not so uncommon.

Craving vengeance is — forgive the phrasing, all things considered — very human.

[sesa]

You have the right of it, more or less, but...it isn't even just that. I doubt I would need to bed him to attain this. My affections for him matter not in that regard...

[He stares down into the glass of half-drunk liquor in front of him.]

I should be indifferent. My goals should be all that matter to me. Yet...seeing his smile means just as much, if not more.

[unheiring]

So in your course for vengeance, you fell in love along the away. [Is he sneering? Just a little.]

Quite the storybook romance you've pulled yourself into. Now all you need to do is convince your lover the error of his ways and skip off into the sunset.

[sesa]

[Sesa glances up at Luca, his gaze briefly withering.]

This is a serious issue I am having, you know.

[unheiring]

Oh, is it? I could not tell from all the whimpering and whining.

[Sorry, Sesa.]

There is no happy ending here. There is no perfect solution. This is what happens when you seek to bloody your hands in the search for revenge. Especially when you get tied up with another person. I would know. [He shakes his head.] But even if there were an elegant solution to be found, it wouldn't be located at the bottom of a shot glass.

[sesa]

...perhaps not.

[He sighs heavily, swirling the contents of the last glass silently.]

But I did think it would help me feel less...insane.

[unheiring]

I've worked many bars, in many towns, in many countries. Alcohol never makes you feel less sane.

[He finishes his glass off.]

If you truly want my judgement in this matter, I'll give you this. Good people do bad things. Bad people do good things. Your attractions and your quest might indicate a certain inclination, but there is more to you than that. Certainly more than a surly bartender with his own issues would be able to diagnose.

The point is, don't listen to me.

[sesa]

[Sesa is silent as he listens. And eventually, he'll glance back up at Luca out of the corner of his eye.]

Well...good advice or no, I do appreciate you being willing to lend a listening ear. I merely came here to drink my sorrows away, so it wasn't something I was expecting.

[unheiring]

Ah, you mean I could have kept my mouth shut while you wallowed? I'll keep that in mind for next time.

[And if Sesa is just playing with his drink, Luca might reach over to try and steal it. He's not the biggest fan but... the vouivre probably doesn't need more.]

[sesa]

[Wow, rude!

...but, Sesa will let him take it actually. He really does not need more he's drank SO much.]

I mean...you could have. But I appreciate it that you didn't...

[unheiring]

After all the hell I gave you? [He clicks his tongue.]

Maybe you are a good man.

[Luca downs the shot and immediately resists the urge to gag.]

With terrible taste.

[sesa]

Terrible? I seem to recall you were the one who made that for me. And happen to be stocking everything I've imbibed in here, no?

[unheiring]

Please. I do not have a choice.

[He motions vaguely to wherever the Spirit has gotten off to.]

I make a few requests here and there, but He is the one that does the most of it.

[sesa]

Is that so?

[Sesa smirks, clearly having a hard time sitting up straight now so he's just kinda flopped in his seat, don't mind him.]

Doesn't that save you from having to do a lot of extra work yourself?

[unheiring]

For better or for worse. [He reaches for a bottle, painfully full, then sets it back down.]

The busy work keeps my mind off of things.

[sesa]

Things...I suppose all of us have had our share of troubles in this place.

[Luca included.]

[unheiring]

Turns out none of us are all that special. Look at the similarities in our own backgrounds, for example.

[They're both fucking arguably toxic people after trying to use them for their self-gain.

Well. Luca isn't anymore. But he would if he could!]

[sesa]

[Haha oh Luca you sweet summer child-]

Well...I wouldn't say our similarities make it so that we are not special. Just that we can relate. Which isn't such a bad thing.

Though, I wouldn't wish my particular romantic troubles on anyone...I apologize.

[unheiring]

I would accept that apology, were it not too late.

[He tries his best to hide a smile, one of those wide ones that makes his face look more boyish than anything. Embarrassing.]

I, at least, have the advantage of being worlds away from my paramour. I'm afraid you, however, are stuck.

[sesa]

Thank you for reminding me...

[Sesa sighs heavily. He should probably be drinking water, he's getting a headache...]

I fear I am too far gone at this point anyway. I am...helplessly enamored with him. I cannot help myself.