[Luca, of course, has his doubts. But Joshua explains his logic so well, and so patiently, that his heart cannot help but seize. Framed that way, he doubts his own doubts in some capacity, almost finding himself foolish for bringing it up in the first place.
To say nothing of the relief felt over the fact that Joshua does not pull away.]
I am. Still... [He lays his free hand over Joshua's, sandwiching it between both now.]
I worry. Part of me still hopes to put things right between him and I. That part of me wonders if it is wrong to attempt to do anything else. The other... [How does he put this...] It feels like speaking with Zahliya in any capacity is like running up against a wall. And maybe it is not helpful for either of us for me to continue holding out hope. But then...
[Luca laughs, but it's a thick sounding noise.]
Is it really fair for me to commit myself to you, when my heart still aches for another?
[ As Luca speaks, Joshua listens intently. It would be unacceptable to do anything less. And as Luca's pain and conflict unfurls like a map on a table, he follows its paths easily. ]
I wish that I had a better answer for you, but... I fear that is a question that you must answer yourself.
[ It pains him to say it. But he can't answer this for Luca. And that's the whole reason they're having this talk, isn't it? ]
If you need time to come to that answer, know that I will gladly give it. You need not rush to find your answer, and I will not remove myself from your life while you do, either. If nothing else, I am here to support you as you heal.
I appreciate that. More than I could ever put into words.
[Despite his hesitation, though, Luca finds himself shifting closer. His head settles against Joshua's shoulder, while those hands cling to Joshua's own like a lifeline.]
Another thought comes to mind. [He thumbs over the back of Joshua's hand.] It felt like I wasted so much time with Clive. I... never had the opportunity to - to say what I really wanted.
I cannot help but wonder that if I do not take my chance now -
[ It's good that Luca doesn't shy away from touch. In fact, it's quite promising that he leans in to rest against Joshua's shoulder. It indicates that what he's said may have had some impact, and that's the most that he can hope for. ]
No, not at all. It is not a burden. Not when it is you.
[ His smile is as gentle and fond as his touch. ]
Follow your heart. You will know what to do. In the meantime, I am here for you in whatever way you want me.
[Luca is silent for a long moment, almost as if content to leave things as they are. Almost. Eventually, though, he shifts enough to peer up at Joshua, studying the planes of his face quietly. He thinks of how it felt to lay in his arms, how safe he had felt in those moments.
And ultimately, he recalls his own words. Even if they did not put a label on it, the wheel was already in motion. He already felt something for Joshua, something that could not be pulled back. So really, what was the point in being so delicate?]
And if I want to throw caution to the wind, and let things fall as they may?
[ And for that long moment, Joshua is content to sit, still and warm and supporting Luca in his lean. However long he needs to sit like this, Joshua will let him.
Even as Luca turns to study him. A faint pink warmth touches Joshua's ears, but he smiles softly, warmly. And the words that follow are only somewhat surprising in that he seems to not need the time after all. ]
Then, if that is what your heart tells you, we can follow that path and see where it takes us.
[Considering all they had discussed, Joshua's answer is far from surprising. Nevertheless, Luca finds himself relieved all the same. Tentatively, he extends his hand, gingerly caressing the side of Joshua's face. Within his chest, his heart begins to thunder unevenly.
It doesn't feel real.]
So long as I walk it with you, I will be happy. [The smile that forms on his lips is a wobbly one, but only out of embarrassment. He dips his head quickly, huffing once.]
[ Luca's hand touches the side of his face, and Joshua feels his own heart begin to pound. It has been... a while, since he felt something like this. For a while, he wasn't sure that he ever would again. But now...
He exhales softly, lifting a hand to press against the back of Luca's. And though Luca dips his head, Joshua doesn't stop looking away. ]
It would be an honor to court you, if you would have me.
[It's so... formal, every bit what Luca could have wanted both now and back when he was just shy of a man. More than that, it feels right, any of his earlier vestiges of guilt ebbing away as he leans his head into those fingers. He chances lifting his eyes, meeting Joshua's gaze for the span of a heartbeat, before looking away again.]
As if I could dream of saying no to you. [He huffs once, just shy of a laugh.] You have had my heart for long before this.
[ Though Joshua knows it, his heart still flutters wildly at the words. That Luca has loved him in this capacity for so long... His thumb strokes Luca's cheek, and while Luca's glance is shy and fleeting, Joshua's eyes don't seem to be able to look away. ]
And to think I knew not what I had. But I shall do my best to remedy that.
[ Humming softly, thoughtfully, he considers his options from here. He wants nothing more than to remain gentlemanly and polite, because it is what Luca deserves. A part of him also wants to lean in, to capture Luca's lips with his own, but not yet. He must not rush it.
Even so, he doesn't hesitate to plant a gentle kiss against Luca's forehead. ]
Thank you. For giving me this chance. For believing in me and keeping me going all these months.
It was not as if I was willing to admit it. Not even to myself.
[After all, he had been convinced that this was a grievous failing on his part, a betrayal of someone he cared deeply for. With Joshua putting those doubts at ease, it had been easier to speak them forth. That, and his constant presence overall.
Luca does shiver faintly as that kiss is pressed to his forehead. Though some part of him does yearn for a true kiss, a sinister part of his mind pointing out that hesitation is what left things so unresolved with Clive, he bites back the urge. He can be content with this. He will be.]
I would have done that, no matter what. First and foremost, you are my dearest friend, Joshua Rosfield. I know how it feels, to be brought so low by circumstance. I could not let you flounder as I did.
[ He thought Luca might say something like that. Joshua lets out a soft laugh against his hair, closing his eyes and gently pressing his nose into the strands. ]
I know. And I appreciate it so very much.
[ He lingers there, just for a moment, then pulls back to look into Luca's eyes. His smile is warm and fond, and his thumb resumes stroking the skin of his cheek. It doesn't quite feel real yet. Like a dream he'll wake from any moment. ]
I am glad to know a soul as kind as yours. It only makes you even more beautiful.
[Though Luca's cheeks burn, though he leans into that touch, a faint sigh leaves him. His expression falters, eyes briefly darting away. It isn't the first time someone has said as much to him, and every time the words sit uneasily upon his shoulders. He's shared much about his background with Joshua but...]
I wish I could claim it has always been kind.
[Alas. He turns his head faintly, shifting just enough to card his fingers through Joshua's hair.]
[ Oh, but it feels nice. He hasn't had anyone run their fingers through his hair in a long time, and the sensation immediately makes his muscles relax and his eyes slide shut.
He wouldn't normally give in, but... to hell with it. He feels as comfortable with Luca as he had with Dion. ]
Luca... Might I ask if it would be too forward to kiss you?
[The politeness all but makes Luca's heart seize. He huffs a tiny breath out, trying to ignore the way his cheeks positively blaze anew at those words. Certainly anything to distract him from the way his heart ratchets ever upward.
Desperately, he forces a sly little smile to his lips, anything to play off how boyish this all makes him feel.]
Mmm. You may ask. And if you did, I would perhaps say yes.
[ Joshua almost feels foolish with how much his heart has been fluttering and skipping beats the past few minutes. He almost feels drunk, in a way, or at least what he'd assume being drunk feels like, and his heart feels so full, near to bursting. ]
Perhaps?
[ His lips curl up into a smile, but this time, it surpasses the simple warm and affectionate one that typically graces his face. This time, it could qualify as a grin, with the barest hint of teeth showing. Both hands now cup Luca's cheeks, and he leans in, just enough to be close without contact, breath ghosting against dampened lips. ]
Then, Luca, would you do me the honor of allowing me to kiss you?
[That grin sends a thrill straight down Luca's spine. It takes everything in his power not to lunge forth first, to capture Joshua's lips in a kiss before he can think twice about the whole thing. Practicing patience in the face of all of this feels like it's going to set him alight.
But he finds it in himself to find restraint, even if he does pout faintly at the delay. And if their lower lips just so happen to brush in the slightest, oh well.]
[ If they do, it sends a spark through Joshua, urging him to take his claim faster. But no. He mustn't. There are ways to go about this, after all, and he is nothing if not a gentleman.
So, he ignores it. He takes his time, wetting his lips briefly - and if it looks like a more hungry gesture, it's imagination at work, clearly - before he moves in. One hand leaves Luca's cheek, taking perch on his shoulder instead for a more even balance. And once their lips finally touch...
It's soft, warm, tender and chaste. Joshua doesn't let it go any further than that, no matter how much he would like to. He wants to savor this first touch, committing it to memory like the precious thing it is. ]
[Joshua is so impossibly sweet. Even at just the faintest, chastest of brushes, Luca's head feels like it's spinning. Like his partner, he does feel the urge to press onward, especially given the nature of their earlier conversation. So much had been lost to both of them in the past for taking their time.
And yet he cannot bear the idea of not taking this as slow as possible, savoring the touch and the taste. So he keeps things slow, only going as far to allowing his fingers to finish drifting through Joshua's hair in favor of settling at the back of his neck. He angles his body just enough to fit them together a little more comfortably, sigh leaving his nose even as he does.
Sorry, but he won't be the one to break this kiss, thanks.]
[ Joshua won't be either, which means they are at a stalemate. One that will only be broken by the need for breath, as far as he is concerned.
But it's nice, being able to do this. Perfect, like a beautiful dream that he's only just realized is anything but. He has more experience now, compared to when he'd first kissed Dion, but now he gets the delight of a whole new experience. Luca and Dion are not alike, he's finding. The kisses are different in subtle ways, though he certainly likes both.
Joshua's hand slides from Luca's cheek, fingers threading into his hair in a mirror of Luca's own just moments ago and trying not to snag or pull. He lets a soft, pleased noise pass through the kiss at the feeling of Luca shifting and very gently tilts his head to deepen the angle, though the kiss remains as chaste as it has been. For now. ]
[For now, indeed. A small noise leaves Luca's throat as Joshua shifts, his own body pliant beneath Joshua's touch. A rather large part of him wants to go entirely belly up in this moment. His lips do indeed part, as if to allow permission for things to continue further -
But just as he does, Luca pulls back. He draws in a careful breath, trying to steady himself before he makes a number of bad decisions.]
Well - [A breath of a laugh leaves him.] - Was it as you dreamed of?
[ Fortuitous timing, honestly, because it doesn't take long for Joshua's breath to grow tight, a lifetime of illnesses and the Curse to blame for his ability to become easily winded from shallow breaths. If Luca hadn't broken it, he surely would have, both because of that and because of a strong sense of decorum. It has only been mere minutes, after all. It would be ungentlemanly to take it any further, even if he wants to.
He can draw in a breath without coughing, but only barely. A victory is still a victory. There's a soft laugh, and he closes his eyes, opting to tip his forehead down to meet Luca's as they rest. ]
Everything and more. As I hope was the same for you.
[Though Joshua may not be coughing, Luca still takes a moment to study his face all the same. His partner's more delicate constitution had not been forgotten, after all. Still, when nothing seems entirely amiss, Luca allows himself to once more settle within their embrace.]
Of course. As if there was any doubt. [Luca angles his face just slightly, allowing his lips to brush over Joshua's cheek.] A gentleman, through and through.
[ Oh, that feels nice. Joshua hums softly, turning his head just a little to give Luca more room to do whatever he wants to do. Still, the gentle touch makes his feathers ruffle, and the hum turns into a soft laugh. ]
If I were ungentlemanly, it would be a stain upon the Rosfield name. And you deserve the grace befitting a nobleman, besides.
[Well, if he has free run of it, he'll shift to brush their noses together once, then presses the kiss to the tip before settling back down once more.]
You know, burdensome as the Aurelius name could be, I never had to worry about that particular matter. My forebears took care of that.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2025-10-29 04:42 am (UTC)To say nothing of the relief felt over the fact that Joshua does not pull away.]
I am. Still... [He lays his free hand over Joshua's, sandwiching it between both now.]
I worry. Part of me still hopes to put things right between him and I. That part of me wonders if it is wrong to attempt to do anything else. The other... [How does he put this...] It feels like speaking with Zahliya in any capacity is like running up against a wall. And maybe it is not helpful for either of us for me to continue holding out hope. But then...
[Luca laughs, but it's a thick sounding noise.]
Is it really fair for me to commit myself to you, when my heart still aches for another?
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Date: 2025-10-29 04:57 am (UTC)I wish that I had a better answer for you, but... I fear that is a question that you must answer yourself.
[ It pains him to say it. But he can't answer this for Luca. And that's the whole reason they're having this talk, isn't it? ]
If you need time to come to that answer, know that I will gladly give it. You need not rush to find your answer, and I will not remove myself from your life while you do, either. If nothing else, I am here to support you as you heal.
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Date: 2025-10-29 05:03 am (UTC)[Despite his hesitation, though, Luca finds himself shifting closer. His head settles against Joshua's shoulder, while those hands cling to Joshua's own like a lifeline.]
Another thought comes to mind. [He thumbs over the back of Joshua's hand.] It felt like I wasted so much time with Clive. I... never had the opportunity to - to say what I really wanted.
I cannot help but wonder that if I do not take my chance now -
[He trails off, then shakes his head.]
I apologize for rambling so incessantly at you.
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Date: 2025-10-29 05:13 am (UTC)No, not at all. It is not a burden. Not when it is you.
[ His smile is as gentle and fond as his touch. ]
Follow your heart. You will know what to do. In the meantime, I am here for you in whatever way you want me.
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Date: 2025-10-29 05:27 am (UTC)[Luca is silent for a long moment, almost as if content to leave things as they are. Almost. Eventually, though, he shifts enough to peer up at Joshua, studying the planes of his face quietly. He thinks of how it felt to lay in his arms, how safe he had felt in those moments.
And ultimately, he recalls his own words. Even if they did not put a label on it, the wheel was already in motion. He already felt something for Joshua, something that could not be pulled back. So really, what was the point in being so delicate?]
And if I want to throw caution to the wind, and let things fall as they may?
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Date: 2025-10-29 05:38 am (UTC)Even as Luca turns to study him. A faint pink warmth touches Joshua's ears, but he smiles softly, warmly. And the words that follow are only somewhat surprising in that he seems to not need the time after all. ]
Then, if that is what your heart tells you, we can follow that path and see where it takes us.
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Date: 2025-10-29 05:49 am (UTC)It doesn't feel real.]
So long as I walk it with you, I will be happy. [The smile that forms on his lips is a wobbly one, but only out of embarrassment. He dips his head quickly, huffing once.]
Thank you, Joshua.
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Date: 2025-10-30 08:01 pm (UTC)He exhales softly, lifting a hand to press against the back of Luca's. And though Luca dips his head, Joshua doesn't stop looking away. ]
It would be an honor to court you, if you would have me.
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Date: 2025-10-31 09:07 pm (UTC)As if I could dream of saying no to you. [He huffs once, just shy of a laugh.] You have had my heart for long before this.
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Date: 2025-11-01 01:00 am (UTC)And to think I knew not what I had. But I shall do my best to remedy that.
[ Humming softly, thoughtfully, he considers his options from here. He wants nothing more than to remain gentlemanly and polite, because it is what Luca deserves. A part of him also wants to lean in, to capture Luca's lips with his own, but not yet. He must not rush it.
Even so, he doesn't hesitate to plant a gentle kiss against Luca's forehead. ]
Thank you. For giving me this chance. For believing in me and keeping me going all these months.
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Date: 2025-11-01 11:21 pm (UTC)[After all, he had been convinced that this was a grievous failing on his part, a betrayal of someone he cared deeply for. With Joshua putting those doubts at ease, it had been easier to speak them forth. That, and his constant presence overall.
Luca does shiver faintly as that kiss is pressed to his forehead. Though some part of him does yearn for a true kiss, a sinister part of his mind pointing out that hesitation is what left things so unresolved with Clive, he bites back the urge. He can be content with this. He will be.]
I would have done that, no matter what. First and foremost, you are my dearest friend, Joshua Rosfield. I know how it feels, to be brought so low by circumstance. I could not let you flounder as I did.
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Date: 2025-11-02 12:25 am (UTC)I know. And I appreciate it so very much.
[ He lingers there, just for a moment, then pulls back to look into Luca's eyes. His smile is warm and fond, and his thumb resumes stroking the skin of his cheek. It doesn't quite feel real yet. Like a dream he'll wake from any moment. ]
I am glad to know a soul as kind as yours. It only makes you even more beautiful.
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Date: 2025-11-02 02:55 am (UTC)I wish I could claim it has always been kind.
[Alas. He turns his head faintly, shifting just enough to card his fingers through Joshua's hair.]
But at least I have someone to learn from now.
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Date: 2025-11-02 04:05 am (UTC)[ Oh, but it feels nice. He hasn't had anyone run their fingers through his hair in a long time, and the sensation immediately makes his muscles relax and his eyes slide shut.
He wouldn't normally give in, but... to hell with it. He feels as comfortable with Luca as he had with Dion. ]
Luca... Might I ask if it would be too forward to kiss you?
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Date: 2025-11-02 04:44 am (UTC)Desperately, he forces a sly little smile to his lips, anything to play off how boyish this all makes him feel.]
Mmm. You may ask. And if you did, I would perhaps say yes.
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Date: 2025-11-02 05:52 pm (UTC)Perhaps?
[ His lips curl up into a smile, but this time, it surpasses the simple warm and affectionate one that typically graces his face. This time, it could qualify as a grin, with the barest hint of teeth showing. Both hands now cup Luca's cheeks, and he leans in, just enough to be close without contact, breath ghosting against dampened lips. ]
Then, Luca, would you do me the honor of allowing me to kiss you?
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Date: 2025-11-02 07:27 pm (UTC)But he finds it in himself to find restraint, even if he does pout faintly at the delay. And if their lower lips just so happen to brush in the slightest, oh well.]
You have my blessing.
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Date: 2025-11-02 07:59 pm (UTC)So, he ignores it. He takes his time, wetting his lips briefly - and if it looks like a more hungry gesture, it's imagination at work, clearly - before he moves in. One hand leaves Luca's cheek, taking perch on his shoulder instead for a more even balance. And once their lips finally touch...
It's soft, warm, tender and chaste. Joshua doesn't let it go any further than that, no matter how much he would like to. He wants to savor this first touch, committing it to memory like the precious thing it is. ]
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Date: 2025-11-03 12:45 am (UTC)And yet he cannot bear the idea of not taking this as slow as possible, savoring the touch and the taste. So he keeps things slow, only going as far to allowing his fingers to finish drifting through Joshua's hair in favor of settling at the back of his neck. He angles his body just enough to fit them together a little more comfortably, sigh leaving his nose even as he does.
Sorry, but he won't be the one to break this kiss, thanks.]
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Date: 2025-11-03 12:59 am (UTC)But it's nice, being able to do this. Perfect, like a beautiful dream that he's only just realized is anything but. He has more experience now, compared to when he'd first kissed Dion, but now he gets the delight of a whole new experience. Luca and Dion are not alike, he's finding. The kisses are different in subtle ways, though he certainly likes both.
Joshua's hand slides from Luca's cheek, fingers threading into his hair in a mirror of Luca's own just moments ago and trying not to snag or pull. He lets a soft, pleased noise pass through the kiss at the feeling of Luca shifting and very gently tilts his head to deepen the angle, though the kiss remains as chaste as it has been. For now. ]
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Date: 2025-11-03 02:51 am (UTC)But just as he does, Luca pulls back. He draws in a careful breath, trying to steady himself before he makes a number of bad decisions.]
Well - [A breath of a laugh leaves him.] - Was it as you dreamed of?
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Date: 2025-11-03 03:00 am (UTC)He can draw in a breath without coughing, but only barely. A victory is still a victory. There's a soft laugh, and he closes his eyes, opting to tip his forehead down to meet Luca's as they rest. ]
Everything and more. As I hope was the same for you.
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Date: 2025-11-03 06:19 am (UTC)Of course. As if there was any doubt. [Luca angles his face just slightly, allowing his lips to brush over Joshua's cheek.] A gentleman, through and through.
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Date: 2025-11-03 10:05 pm (UTC)If I were ungentlemanly, it would be a stain upon the Rosfield name. And you deserve the grace befitting a nobleman, besides.
no subject
Date: 2025-11-04 10:56 pm (UTC)You know, burdensome as the Aurelius name could be, I never had to worry about that particular matter. My forebears took care of that.
[Thanks for being a whore, Cyrus.]
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