[Polaris lightly nips their fingers, but as gentle as possible. It's a pleasant little gesture, not an aggravated one.]
Kiera,
I can only imagine how difficult it is. Your upbringing, the "purpose" you were given has haunted you for far too long. I only wish you had been able to hear it from him that he did not hold it against you. All of my words will never compare.
It sounds like a lovely book. Perhaps once you have recovered, I can pay a visit to the library and read it myself. I should like to know what you have enjoyed so much.
I do not think you were neglectful. Truthfully I was... reluctant to talk about it for more than one reason. Zahliya is an incredibly important figure in this world. Strong and capable at that. The last thing I want is for anyone to think ill of him. Or to share his business when he is already going through enough. And... honestly, perhaps I was ashamed to admit the depth of my malice in that moment.
The truth is that I accused both him and you of never caring to do enough about the Phoenix. I wanted to convince myself that neither of you cared enough, so that it was far easier to shove the two of you away. It wasn't fair, and I suppose it is only right that I suffer these consequences.
I - think fishing would be best avoided, though. Callan shares remarkable similarities to Emissary Alazon. It's been a bit... difficult to reconcile. Chess would be nice, though.
I feel the same about our current method of communicating. If I am truly honest, it has been far easier to speak my feelings. It's too easy to become self-conscious with how much I feel, especially hvae I have tried so hard for so long not to feel at all.
... Thank you, by the way. For being so patient with all of that.
Gratefully, Luca Aurelius
P.S. I have missed it so dearly, though.
P.P.S. After everything was said and done back home, I began to consider joining the guard again. Even in a reserve capacity. Do you think you would loathe working with me again?
Truth be told, I have known in my heart since then that he would have accepted me. There was always the fear of rejection, but he was not that sort of man, nor that sort of parent. My greatest regret is that I simply lacked the bravery to be honest with him, to give him the chance to prove his virtue, before it was too late. Perhaps, like you with Zahliya, I believed that I deserved to live in that pain.
Hah. It is pitiful how alike we still are, even after so much has changed.
I feel I should give you as much honesty as you have offered me. Last year, when we were trapped beneath the ocean, the Phoenix spoke to me through your body. I made a deal with the Beast that when we returned home, I would volunteer myself as its new host so that it would leave you be. I don't know if such a thing is even possible, but it agreed, and so I believed I was helping. Underhanded, yes. Behind your back, yes. I was afraid to tell you, because I know you would never approve of such self-destructive methods, and I did not know how else to ease your pain.
I swear to you, Luca, if I had known that it was possible to kill a Beast, I would have fought the wretch to my last breath. I would have made more blatant efforts had I been aware of any other recourse. I don't fault you your resentment of me, but still I beg your forgiveness.
You are everything to me. I will never give up on you, no matter the pain it brings me or the time I spend waiting on you.
If you will still have me, despite all of this, I would ask for nothing more than the chance to remain at your side.
... Terrible as it is, though, it does bring me some comfort. I have made no secret of how broken and unfixable I feel at times. Knowing that someone else shares these struggles and burdens keeps me from feeling less isolated. And maybe it gives me hope that we can both put ourselves right.
[Kiera would have no way of knowing, but Luca takes a long pause here. The words she'd written are troubling ones. His past self fumes at her for making that promise. The man he is now understands her actions, at the very least.
A few ink blobs rest on the paper, where he tapped his pen a few times before continuing. Kiera might even notice a few burn marks at the corner of the page. Understanding or no, the wash of emotions that her confession evokes is a bit much to swallow.]
You did all that you thought you could.
I won't lie, some part of me is angry. The Phoenix was... not a burden I would wish on anyone. Had you gone through with it, I might have tried to kill you myself for signing yourself up for that fate. But I won't pretend I don't also understand why.
I would do the same, if the Butterfly ever interceded in your life so severely.
All that is to say. Do not apologize for doing what I would do, were the roles reversed. If anything, I should apologize for not trusting in you. For doubting what you would do for me. You are an Aurelius, through and through. Your devotion to your family is proof of that.
But you don't need to worry. Since extinguishing the Phoenix and absorbing its flame, things have become easier. No, no. That isn't quite true. I learned how to cope when I was home. You never gave up on me there, either. And I suppose between both aspects, it has made me feel... less opposed to my life. My fate.
I don't know that immortality appeals to me, now being the Beast proper, but I can deal with that down the line. I have no intentions of extinguishing that flame preemptively. Of that, you have my word.
As for your place with me, you need not ask. You have always belonged here with me, Kiera Aurelius. You are my sister. And you always will be.
[kiera fully expects to see singed edges on the letter. in fact, she wonders how many pages luca would have fully incinerated before he was able to calm his (entirely understandable) temper. her curiosity is best left unspoken, however.]
Luc,
I would that you never knew such despair. I will admit, when I first came to Renova, I felt both terrible jealousy and disdain for you. As far as I allowed myself to believe, you had never known hardship, you were impossibly naïve, and the entire world had been handed to you on a silver platter. But unlike those I had spent my earliest years surrounded by, you were glad to share in your wealth of both status and spirit, and I came to realize what a fool I was to resent your good fortune.
I wish that I could have kept you from this pain forever. I feel that I failed you. I am aware that there is nothing I could have done at the time to prevent the Beast from scorning you, or to dissuade Augustus from allowing his blackened heart to rule his judgment. I am aware that Castilla's and Cataega's agents will never stop seeking to harm us until we put them down.
To that end, I do not know why I am telling you this. My intent is not to add more guilt to that which already weighs upon you. Perhaps I feel I do not deserve your forgiveness, nor your acceptance. Maybe I would feel differently, had I the same memories of home that you do. From my perspective, I have done next to nothing to aid you, and it feels horrid to take credit for efforts I do not recall making.
Still, I am moved by your sentiment, even if the last thing I would ever want is for you to fall victim to the Monster of my birthplace. Though I should like to think that with your power being what it is now, that scenario is entirely impossible.
I would be glad to help, when the time comes. Far be it from me to wish death upon you, but I think it would be crueler still to suggest that you do not deserve rest after all is said and done. That said, I will under no circumstances allow you to expire before the age of one hundred, and in that I feel I am being quite generous.
We will have many, many years ahead of terrorizing our fellow Guardsmen once more, Ser Aurelius.
[At least the next letter comes without issue. Polaris takes her time before heading back though. She hops onto Kiera's shoulder and settles into pulling at their hair. Preening time.]
Ki,
It's not an incorrect judgement. I had never known despair. Not only was I granted privilege the likes of which many will never see, but I also was kept from many of the trials that my predecessors had suffered. Father knew how one could suffer beneath a name and title, especially when not afforded the power it should normally bring. Perhaps that's yet another reason why he grew so attached to you. Whether he knew it or not, both of you were familiar with the savagery that one's own blood could bring.
Even if not, you know how Father was. He wanted us to do good. To not be complacent. It's one of the many reasons I have grappled with my path for so long. What I did felt right in the moment, blazing through Castilla and Cataega as I had. And yet I wonder if he would have been disappointed, to see me act as my ancestors.
Likewise, I do not know why I am telling you all of this, or what point I seek to make. I hope you can find some sort of wisdom in my words, though.
In any case, I do not feel that you have failed me. You are still here, trying despite any insistence to the contrary. You have ensured that I know joy and comfort, even going as far as paining yourself to offer an explanation to your distance.
And if it is any consolation, I would sooner burn the Butterfly for attempting to pull you in, rather than allow it to ensnare either of us. But this way felt more poetic.
I think one hundred years would be acceptable. Perhaps not here, but back home. There is much that I have missed out on and would like to make up for. Would you like to assist me? That does include terrorizing the guards, of course.
[kiera is more than happy to take their time with polaris, gently scritching the feathers along her head and neck once she's satisfied with their hair. they have a couple more berries to offer, as well as some jerky. they are, sadly, fresh out of mice.]
Luc,
I have long wondered, myself, what he would think of the person I've become. I am under no impression that my long years of wasting away under the influence of the very thing that enabled him to give me a good life would allow him to rest soundly. Many days, the mere thought of breaking his heart thusly only makes me that much more desperate to muddle my mind with deeper drink.
It seems we are both trapped in pits of our own creation. As you said, it makes me feel less alone, but I regret that you know the feeling whatsoever. At least we have one another to prevent ourselves from backsliding too far.
There will be plenty of time to relearn all that was pleasant in Renova. Gods, the city alone will keep us occupied for years. I will have to show you the up and coming eateries and businesses. In fact, I can recommend a baker you would be tempted to hire on full time for your own personal consumption.
I ought to ask -- when you next send sweet Polaris, by chance could it be in the evening hours? I do so miss flying with her, and the interior of the school does not lend itself very well to aerial acrobatics.
[Disappointing, but she'll manage. Once she's satisfied with Kiera's offerings, she flutters out of the window to do a little hunting. Her beak will still be tinged with blood when she returns for Kiera's next letter.]
Ki,
While he might not be happy about it, he wouldn't condemn you for it, either. I've heard rumors of the man he was before my birth. He struggled, just as we did. It was his primary reason for trying so hard to cater to us, I believe.
That we do. Honestly... it is difficult to see my own progress sometimes. But I know I see yours. I also trust your judgement implicitly. So if you feel I have begun my redemption, I have to believe it, do I not?
A baker? Do tell me more. Do they prefer breads? Or have they dabbled in pies? I long for an apple pie from home. I do my best, and it is passable, but it never is quite the same.
I think you will find her arrival time to be adequate. Do tell me how your flight goes.
Luc
[True to his word, Polaris's next arrival comes at sunset. It gives Polaris a bit of time to rest and Kiera to write before they take off.]
I understand your reasoning. I suppose I feel that you have made greater strides than I of late, and I confess there is a part of me that has no desire to improve myself. It is quite uncomfortable, physically and mentally, the idea of finding complicated, exhausting alternatives to what is at present quite a simple and easy bandage on the wound.
Their pies are, in fact, what reminded me so vividly of you. Their ratio of spice to apple is superb, the filling delectably moist and the crust still so impossibly flaky. Hahah! I did not realize how awfully I, too, have missed the comforts of Aerea. I believe I will take that flight now, and finish writing once I have had the chance to spread my wings.
It was quite a lovely evening, in truth. We chased one another through the canopy before taking to soar on a pleasant breeze. I was careful not to exhaust Polaris, though I doubt I could come close. I would still prefer she has plenty of energy, should you have a need for her aid. She is both as feisty and as affectionate as ever; she must find it terribly funny to hover just above me and delicately pluck a single feather from my crown. I swear that bird can and does laugh.
With regards to my condition: Joshua has said that his form changed once more after a subsequent exposure to the spores that rendered me vampiric. While I cannot, at the moment, imagine a creature more wretched to be, I am hesitant to tempt fate and return to the fungi. At the risk of placing too much on your shoulders, what do you think I should do? I do not ask so that I may place blame on you should things go wrong, but because I value your insight. You may refuse advising me on the matter, if it makes you more comfortable.
You say that, but you have made strides of your own. You have accepted your name and place with our family again. You have opened up to people, and you are no longer hiding who you are. These are all good things. That said, I will not pretend I would not be better at ease should you put down the bottle, but I also understand that it is a difficult ask.
An apple pie is nothing without its cinnamon, never mind the fact that a sour apple makes it all the better. Few people seem to understand this, anymore. I have done my best to educate the people in this world, but Renova is another story.
I am glad you two enjoyed yourselves. Polaris seemed in particularly high spirits when she returned. I suspect you could have gone longer and she still would have had plenty to spare, but I appreciate your consideration all the same.
And yes, she absolutely does laugh.
It's... difficult. I would not wish for you to suffer additionally. And though you say you will not blame me, I can certainly blame myself. That said... I think it is worth the attempt. If it could even lessen your suffering, I would appreciate it.
And really, I do miss your embrace. Is that too selfish?
[the following morning, there's a knock on the bar door before opening hours. kiera looks less like themself than they did as a vampire, given the opalescent horn on their forehead, the hooves and the long tail, but they are standing here when luca appears with no issue, and that is what matters. they're so relieved to see him, they honestly don't care if it might be concerning for him to see such a wide, unabashedly happy smile on their face before they pull him in for a hug.]
[The only reason Luca is particularly concerned is because Kiera looks exactly like her worst nightmare. Not that he has time to say any of that. He gets tugged in for a hug and, well, if he even tries to shift he's just going to get impaled. So yeah, hugs and honestly? Maybe a tear or two.
Leave him alone, he missed her.]
K-Kiera... [A huff.] Can we at least move inside. Beasts forbid someone see you have an emotion.
[maybe if they had been turned into this before, they would be more upset. maybe they will be more upset, once it settles in. right now? it's like the weight of the whole godsdamned planet has been lifted from their shoulders.
despite his tears and the shakiness of his voice, they can't help a gentle laugh.]
If you're that worried about me, alright. [they could jab that he's showing more emotion than they are right now, but decide against it in favor of nudging him inside.]
[Surviving off of only one voluntarily received offering of blood sounds like a hell of an accomplishment to Luca.]
Food, then. I have the usual stew on, and some bread. Or I can cook something, if you would prefer it. [He knows they're not the fondest of red meat, after all.] Chicken and rice, perhaps?
[to that, they don't respond. drinking anything at all felt like throwing away their conviction of possible decades, a betrayal of self that could not possibly run any deeper. it feels so terrible, in fact, that just as luca surmises, they are in no mindset for red meat.]
Bread would suffice. You don't need to trouble yourself, but perhaps for some butter and herbs...?
[The whore devours some Hors d'oeuvres. Or something.
Anyway, he heads to the kitchen, pulling out both bread, butter, and herbs as requested. He brings these out to Kiera before dipping back into the kitchen. He makes sure he angles himself to at least be able to hear her if she talks, all while prepping some chicken and vegetables.]
It'll be a minute before something proper is ready, so eat up.
[between the sight of the bread and luca making for the kitchen once more, kiera groans with relief.]
You don't have to do that, Luc. [but nonetheless:] Thank you.
[sorry, she is now going to go apeshit on this bread. please don't judge her, she hasn't eaten in a month. in fact, luca better not peek out of the kitchen, because there are most definitely tears streaming down her face.]
[Unfortunately, he does peek out. It just proves that this meal is important for them both. Anything to make sure she's able to feel something again.
If he's a little heavy handed on the spices, so be it. Especially on the garlic. She deserves all of that and more.
Once he's done and the chicken is set to roast, he makes a show of washing his hands and clearing his throat. That way, his leaving doesn't take her by surprise. Plenty of time for her to wipe her tears.]
[the gesture is appreciated, but kiera finds she doesn't have the energy, or desire, to hide this particular display of emotion from luca. if they're self-conscious of anything, it's the fact that there's nothing left in front of them. even the butter dish is wiped clean. their face tinges deeper red at the sight of it.]
You struck the first blow, you know. You and Mamika together, I suppose but... [He trails off. The memory has turned a little bitter, considering who it was all for. But he presses on.] You convinced me to stay my hand. To extend kindness...
It had been years since I had done that. I thought I'd forgotten how. But you didn't let me.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2025-05-21 03:25 am (UTC)Kiera,
I can only imagine how difficult it is. Your upbringing, the "purpose" you were given has haunted you for far too long. I only wish you had been able to hear it from him that he did not hold it against you. All of my words will never compare.
It sounds like a lovely book. Perhaps once you have recovered, I can pay a visit to the library and read it myself. I should like to know what you have enjoyed so much.
I do not think you were neglectful. Truthfully I was... reluctant to talk about it for more than one reason. Zahliya is an incredibly important figure in this world. Strong and capable at that. The last thing I want is for anyone to think ill of him. Or to share his business when he is already going through enough. And... honestly, perhaps I was ashamed to admit the depth of my malice in that moment.
The truth is that I accused both him and you of never caring to do enough about the Phoenix. I wanted to convince myself that neither of you cared enough, so that it was far easier to shove the two of you away. It wasn't fair, and I suppose it is only right that I suffer these consequences.
I - think fishing would be best avoided, though. Callan shares remarkable similarities to Emissary Alazon. It's been a bit... difficult to reconcile. Chess would be nice, though.
I feel the same about our current method of communicating. If I am truly honest, it has been far easier to speak my feelings. It's too easy to become self-conscious with how much I feel, especially hvae I have tried so hard for so long not to feel at all.
... Thank you, by the way. For being so patient with all of that.
Gratefully,
Luca Aurelius
P.S. I have missed it so dearly, though.
P.P.S. After everything was said and done back home, I began to consider joining the guard again. Even in a reserve capacity. Do you think you would loathe working with me again?
no subject
Date: 2025-05-21 05:16 am (UTC)Truth be told, I have known in my heart since then that he would have accepted me. There was always the fear of rejection, but he was not that sort of man, nor that sort of parent. My greatest regret is that I simply lacked the bravery to be honest with him, to give him the chance to prove his virtue, before it was too late. Perhaps, like you with Zahliya, I believed that I deserved to live in that pain.
Hah. It is pitiful how alike we still are, even after so much has changed.
I feel I should give you as much honesty as you have offered me. Last year, when we were trapped beneath the ocean, the Phoenix spoke to me through your body. I made a deal with the Beast that when we returned home, I would volunteer myself as its new host so that it would leave you be. I don't know if such a thing is even possible, but it agreed, and so I believed I was helping. Underhanded, yes. Behind your back, yes. I was afraid to tell you, because I know you would never approve of such self-destructive methods, and I did not know how else to ease your pain.
I swear to you, Luca, if I had known that it was possible to kill a Beast, I would have fought the wretch to my last breath. I would have made more blatant efforts had I been aware of any other recourse. I don't fault you your resentment of me, but still I beg your forgiveness.
You are everything to me. I will never give up on you, no matter the pain it brings me or the time I spend waiting on you.
If you will still have me, despite all of this, I would ask for nothing more than the chance to remain at your side.
Kiera
cw: references to suicide
Date: 2025-05-21 05:33 am (UTC)Truly, we must be related or something.
... Terrible as it is, though, it does bring me some comfort. I have made no secret of how broken and unfixable I feel at times. Knowing that someone else shares these struggles and burdens keeps me from feeling less isolated. And maybe it gives me hope that we can both put ourselves right.
[Kiera would have no way of knowing, but Luca takes a long pause here. The words she'd written are troubling ones. His past self fumes at her for making that promise. The man he is now understands her actions, at the very least.
A few ink blobs rest on the paper, where he tapped his pen a few times before continuing. Kiera might even notice a few burn marks at the corner of the page. Understanding or no, the wash of emotions that her confession evokes is a bit much to swallow.]
You did all that you thought you could.
I won't lie, some part of me is angry. The Phoenix was... not a burden I would wish on anyone. Had you gone through with it, I might have tried to kill you myself for signing yourself up for that fate. But I won't pretend I don't also understand why.
I would do the same, if the Butterfly ever interceded in your life so severely.
All that is to say. Do not apologize for doing what I would do, were the roles reversed. If anything, I should apologize for not trusting in you. For doubting what you would do for me. You are an Aurelius, through and through. Your devotion to your family is proof of that.
But you don't need to worry. Since extinguishing the Phoenix and absorbing its flame, things have become easier. No, no. That isn't quite true. I learned how to cope when I was home. You never gave up on me there, either. And I suppose between both aspects, it has made me feel... less opposed to my life. My fate.
I don't know that immortality appeals to me, now being the Beast proper, but I can deal with that down the line. I have no intentions of extinguishing that flame preemptively. Of that, you have my word.
As for your place with me, you need not ask. You have always belonged here with me, Kiera Aurelius. You are my sister. And you always will be.
Love,
Luc
no subject
Date: 2025-05-21 03:58 pm (UTC)Luc,
I would that you never knew such despair. I will admit, when I first came to Renova, I felt both terrible jealousy and disdain for you. As far as I allowed myself to believe, you had never known hardship, you were impossibly naïve, and the entire world had been handed to you on a silver platter. But unlike those I had spent my earliest years surrounded by, you were glad to share in your wealth of both status and spirit, and I came to realize what a fool I was to resent your good fortune.
I wish that I could have kept you from this pain forever. I feel that I failed you. I am aware that there is nothing I could have done at the time to prevent the Beast from scorning you, or to dissuade Augustus from allowing his blackened heart to rule his judgment. I am aware that Castilla's and Cataega's agents will never stop seeking to harm us until we put them down.
To that end, I do not know why I am telling you this. My intent is not to add more guilt to that which already weighs upon you. Perhaps I feel I do not deserve your forgiveness, nor your acceptance. Maybe I would feel differently, had I the same memories of home that you do. From my perspective, I have done next to nothing to aid you, and it feels horrid to take credit for efforts I do not recall making.
Still, I am moved by your sentiment, even if the last thing I would ever want is for you to fall victim to the Monster of my birthplace. Though I should like to think that with your power being what it is now, that scenario is entirely impossible.
I would be glad to help, when the time comes. Far be it from me to wish death upon you, but I think it would be crueler still to suggest that you do not deserve rest after all is said and done. That said, I will under no circumstances allow you to expire before the age of one hundred, and in that I feel I am being quite generous.
We will have many, many years ahead of terrorizing our fellow Guardsmen once more, Ser Aurelius.
Also with love,
Ki
no subject
Date: 2025-05-23 09:04 pm (UTC)Ki,
It's not an incorrect judgement. I had never known despair. Not only was I granted privilege the likes of which many will never see, but I also was kept from many of the trials that my predecessors had suffered. Father knew how one could suffer beneath a name and title, especially when not afforded the power it should normally bring. Perhaps that's yet another reason why he grew so attached to you. Whether he knew it or not, both of you were familiar with the savagery that one's own blood could bring.
Even if not, you know how Father was. He wanted us to do good. To not be complacent. It's one of the many reasons I have grappled with my path for so long. What I did felt right in the moment, blazing through Castilla and Cataega as I had. And yet I wonder if he would have been disappointed, to see me act as my ancestors.
Likewise, I do not know why I am telling you all of this, or what point I seek to make. I hope you can find some sort of wisdom in my words, though.
In any case, I do not feel that you have failed me. You are still here, trying despite any insistence to the contrary. You have ensured that I know joy and comfort, even going as far as paining yourself to offer an explanation to your distance.
And if it is any consolation, I would sooner burn the Butterfly for attempting to pull you in, rather than allow it to ensnare either of us. But this way felt more poetic.
I think one hundred years would be acceptable. Perhaps not here, but back home. There is much that I have missed out on and would like to make up for. Would you like to assist me? That does include terrorizing the guards, of course.
Love,
Luc
no subject
Date: 2025-05-24 11:30 pm (UTC)Luc,
I have long wondered, myself, what he would think of the person I've become. I am under no impression that my long years of wasting away under the influence of the very thing that enabled him to give me a good life would allow him to rest soundly. Many days, the mere thought of breaking his heart thusly only makes me that much more desperate to muddle my mind with deeper drink.
It seems we are both trapped in pits of our own creation. As you said, it makes me feel less alone, but I regret that you know the feeling whatsoever. At least we have one another to prevent ourselves from backsliding too far.
There will be plenty of time to relearn all that was pleasant in Renova. Gods, the city alone will keep us occupied for years. I will have to show you the up and coming eateries and businesses. In fact, I can recommend a baker you would be tempted to hire on full time for your own personal consumption.
I ought to ask -- when you next send sweet Polaris, by chance could it be in the evening hours? I do so miss flying with her, and the interior of the school does not lend itself very well to aerial acrobatics.
Kiera
no subject
Date: 2025-05-26 05:11 am (UTC)Ki,
While he might not be happy about it, he wouldn't condemn you for it, either. I've heard rumors of the man he was before my birth. He struggled, just as we did. It was his primary reason for trying so hard to cater to us, I believe.
That we do. Honestly... it is difficult to see my own progress sometimes. But I know I see yours. I also trust your judgement implicitly. So if you feel I have begun my redemption, I have to believe it, do I not?
A baker? Do tell me more. Do they prefer breads? Or have they dabbled in pies? I long for an apple pie from home. I do my best, and it is passable, but it never is quite the same.
I think you will find her arrival time to be adequate. Do tell me how your flight goes.
Luc
[True to his word, Polaris's next arrival comes at sunset. It gives Polaris a bit of time to rest and Kiera to write before they take off.]
no subject
Date: 2025-05-27 04:07 am (UTC)Luca,
I understand your reasoning. I suppose I feel that you have made greater strides than I of late, and I confess there is a part of me that has no desire to improve myself. It is quite uncomfortable, physically and mentally, the idea of finding complicated, exhausting alternatives to what is at present quite a simple and easy bandage on the wound.
Their pies are, in fact, what reminded me so vividly of you. Their ratio of spice to apple is superb, the filling delectably moist and the crust still so impossibly flaky. Hahah! I did not realize how awfully I, too, have missed the comforts of Aerea. I believe I will take that flight now, and finish writing once I have had the chance to spread my wings.
It was quite a lovely evening, in truth. We chased one another through the canopy before taking to soar on a pleasant breeze. I was careful not to exhaust Polaris, though I doubt I could come close. I would still prefer she has plenty of energy, should you have a need for her aid. She is both as feisty and as affectionate as ever; she must find it terribly funny to hover just above me and delicately pluck a single feather from my crown. I swear that bird can and does laugh.
With regards to my condition: Joshua has said that his form changed once more after a subsequent exposure to the spores that rendered me vampiric. While I cannot, at the moment, imagine a creature more wretched to be, I am hesitant to tempt fate and return to the fungi. At the risk of placing too much on your shoulders, what do you think I should do? I do not ask so that I may place blame on you should things go wrong, but because I value your insight. You may refuse advising me on the matter, if it makes you more comfortable.
Gratefully either way,
Kiera
no subject
Date: 2025-05-27 05:13 am (UTC)You say that, but you have made strides of your own. You have accepted your name and place with our family again. You have opened up to people, and you are no longer hiding who you are. These are all good things. That said, I will not pretend I would not be better at ease should you put down the bottle, but I also understand that it is a difficult ask.
An apple pie is nothing without its cinnamon, never mind the fact that a sour apple makes it all the better. Few people seem to understand this, anymore. I have done my best to educate the people in this world, but Renova is another story.
I am glad you two enjoyed yourselves. Polaris seemed in particularly high spirits when she returned. I suspect you could have gone longer and she still would have had plenty to spare, but I appreciate your consideration all the same.
And yes, she absolutely does laugh.
It's... difficult. I would not wish for you to suffer additionally. And though you say you will not blame me, I can certainly blame myself. That said... I think it is worth the attempt. If it could even lessen your suffering, I would appreciate it.
And really, I do miss your embrace. Is that too selfish?
Wishing you the best,
Luca
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Date: 2025-06-03 03:02 am (UTC)Get comfortable. I'm not letting go for a while.
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Date: 2025-06-03 03:08 am (UTC)Leave him alone, he missed her.]
K-Kiera... [A huff.] Can we at least move inside. Beasts forbid someone see you have an emotion.
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Date: 2025-06-03 03:21 am (UTC)despite his tears and the shakiness of his voice, they can't help a gentle laugh.]
If you're that worried about me, alright. [they could jab that he's showing more emotion than they are right now, but decide against it in favor of nudging him inside.]
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Date: 2025-06-03 03:55 am (UTC)[A huff as he all but wrenches her into the bar. Yes, he's locking the door behind him. Service can wait an hour or two.]
How do you feel? Are you hungry? I... imagine it's been awhile since you've consumed anything, even with your, ah. Offering.
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Date: 2025-06-03 04:02 am (UTC)... I'm fucking starved, Luc. I felt myself losing my grip again, but I didn't... I couldn't...
[they shake their head and sigh wearily.]
Yes, I could eat. Phoenix feathers, I miss food.
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Date: 2025-06-03 04:06 am (UTC)[Surviving off of only one voluntarily received offering of blood sounds like a hell of an accomplishment to Luca.]
Food, then. I have the usual stew on, and some bread. Or I can cook something, if you would prefer it. [He knows they're not the fondest of red meat, after all.] Chicken and rice, perhaps?
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Date: 2025-06-03 04:29 am (UTC)Bread would suffice. You don't need to trouble yourself, but perhaps for some butter and herbs...?
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Date: 2025-06-03 04:34 am (UTC)[The whore devours some Hors d'oeuvres. Or something.
Anyway, he heads to the kitchen, pulling out both bread, butter, and herbs as requested. He brings these out to Kiera before dipping back into the kitchen. He makes sure he angles himself to at least be able to hear her if she talks, all while prepping some chicken and vegetables.]
It'll be a minute before something proper is ready, so eat up.
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Date: 2025-06-03 05:05 am (UTC)You don't have to do that, Luc. [but nonetheless:] Thank you.
[sorry, she is now going to go apeshit on this bread. please don't judge her, she hasn't eaten in a month. in fact, luca better not peek out of the kitchen, because there are most definitely tears streaming down her face.]
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Date: 2025-06-03 05:10 am (UTC)If he's a little heavy handed on the spices, so be it. Especially on the garlic. She deserves all of that and more.
Once he's done and the chicken is set to roast, he makes a show of washing his hands and clearing his throat. That way, his leaving doesn't take her by surprise. Plenty of time for her to wipe her tears.]
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Date: 2025-06-03 05:17 am (UTC)I'm -- sorry. I ought to have left you some.
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Date: 2025-06-03 05:20 am (UTC)I ate not too long ago. And I wouldn't take food from a poor, starving thing like you.
[A playful little nudge.]
Feel better?
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Date: 2025-06-03 05:37 am (UTC)I feel... like a child again. Taken in and nursed back to health by a warm-hearted Aurelius.
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Date: 2025-06-03 07:34 pm (UTC)[He squeezes a little closer, then lays his head on her shoulder.]
Besides, you've done a fair bit of caretaking for me, of late.
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Date: 2025-06-03 07:43 pm (UTC)[of more than one flavor, even, but kiera will fight to hold on to the positive one.]
Have I? I don't feel it. Seems you've put yourself back together while I sat useless.
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Date: 2025-06-03 08:46 pm (UTC)It had been years since I had done that. I thought I'd forgotten how. But you didn't let me.
It was a turning point, I think.
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