[Their silence is not wholly unwelcome. The longer she keeps her mouth shut, the less likely it feels that they'll run their mouth, say something stupid. He has opened himself up in his moment, flayed skin and peeled back ribs to expose a part of him that's been scarred again and again. He's vulnerable, and in a way he doesn't know he can trust Kiera to deal with properly.
By some miracle, what they do eventually find in themselves to say... isn't too far off how Luca feels. He knows they don't mean it in that regard, which makes him almost scoff. So close to the truth, but missing it entirely. It isn't like them, but how could they be expected to understand the full gravity of Luca's own situation.]
You're right. [He says it with a strange finality, one that runs counter to the broken chords of his voice just a few seconds prior.] I could not have known. It was not my fault.
[His hand settles above his chest. His fingers clamp down, nails digging through the fabric. If not for the second band over his chest, he might have even broken the skin.]
The Phoenix could have deigned to tell the truth years ago. It could have saved him. Instead, it sat idly in my mind until it was forced to act. [He shakes his head.] It doesn't care. Not for its scions. Not for its people. All it wants is pawns to act in its stead.
No more. I'll rip it out if I have to. And then I can finally rest.
[they should have realized this before. maybe it can be chalked up to them not being quite so emotionally distraught over anything in... just about eight years. which they'll likely beat themselves up over later, but right now...
all they can think of for the moment is how much they owe the phoenix. it welcomed them into its home despite their working for its enemy. eventually, its love for them burned so bright that the butterfly's influence was charred away entirely. after being reared to praise a beast so cruel, they found warmth and solace in a god that valued them as they were. kiera had come to love the phoenix with all their heart.
... but that was all a lie, too, they're realizing for the first time. the phoenix doesn't even care for its own blessed beyond his usefulness to it. why the hell would it care about them?]
So they are all the same. [they murmur, quiet, after a long moment of shock. and yet... the last thing luca says sends a shiver up their spine.]
[Wrapped up in his own grief as he is, Luca doesn't really consider what Kiera might be going through. He can't, when he isn't so privy to her thoughts. He'd watched her come around to the prospect, recalled her voice eventually joining his in the hymns they sang. But the war she'd waged to get there? The grief she might feel?
It's all hard to process, considering his own feelings.
Admittedly, he does catch her words, but he doesn't have the inclination to ask about them, not just yet. He is more occupied with her current question. And while he can't know the journey she's gone through to accept the Phoenix, he knows with some certainty that she's amongst its faithful.
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cw: suicide
By some miracle, what they do eventually find in themselves to say... isn't too far off how Luca feels. He knows they don't mean it in that regard, which makes him almost scoff. So close to the truth, but missing it entirely. It isn't like them, but how could they be expected to understand the full gravity of Luca's own situation.]
You're right. [He says it with a strange finality, one that runs counter to the broken chords of his voice just a few seconds prior.] I could not have known. It was not my fault.
[His hand settles above his chest. His fingers clamp down, nails digging through the fabric. If not for the second band over his chest, he might have even broken the skin.]
The Phoenix could have deigned to tell the truth years ago. It could have saved him. Instead, it sat idly in my mind until it was forced to act. [He shakes his head.] It doesn't care. Not for its scions. Not for its people. All it wants is pawns to act in its stead.
No more. I'll rip it out if I have to. And then I can finally rest.
no subject
all they can think of for the moment is how much they owe the phoenix. it welcomed them into its home despite their working for its enemy. eventually, its love for them burned so bright that the butterfly's influence was charred away entirely. after being reared to praise a beast so cruel, they found warmth and solace in a god that valued them as they were. kiera had come to love the phoenix with all their heart.
... but that was all a lie, too, they're realizing for the first time. the phoenix doesn't even care for its own blessed beyond his usefulness to it. why the hell would it care about them?]
So they are all the same. [they murmur, quiet, after a long moment of shock. and yet... the last thing luca says sends a shiver up their spine.]
What are you getting at?
no subject
It's all hard to process, considering his own feelings.
Admittedly, he does catch her words, but he doesn't have the inclination to ask about them, not just yet. He is more occupied with her current question. And while he can't know the journey she's gone through to accept the Phoenix, he knows with some certainty that she's amongst its faithful.
Which means she won't like what he has to say.]
I plan to kill it. At any cost.